by Rebekah Royal
After much discussion with my counselor, I began to understand I am holding onto something that can never be satisfied. In actuality, the people who hurt me could never make up for what they did to me? Nothing can erase the pain and effect of their sin against me. I also began to understand that forgiveness was not saying it was okay that the person hurt me. As a passive and shy young lady, I learned to say often, “Oh, it’s okay” if someone offended me. Well, it’s not okay. I am a precious child of the King of Kings. I am valuable and my heart matters. It is not okay to hurt my heart. However, I am only hurting myself if I don’t release the person from the debt, they owe me. “Lord, how can I do this?” The rage inside of me wants to scream, “Somebody has to pay!!!” A day or so later, I heard Jesus say to me, “Yes, somebody definitely has to pay. Let me pay for what they did to you. My blood that was shed on the cross not only pays for a lifetime of your sins, but also for the sins that were committed against you.” “Wow, Lord, those words surprisingly soothed my wound.”
As a Christian raised in church, I knew it was important to forgive. Sometimes believers can be very quick to forgive because it’s the “right thing to do.” This was the case with my husband years ago. Sometimes a quick forgiver is just a person operating in a flesh pattern of keeping the peace and not rocking the boat. A healthy person understands the importance of feeling the weight of the sin committed against them and grieves it BEFORE he or she lets it go. Forgiving too quickly is saying, “Oh, it’s okay. I forgive you.” No! We must value ourselves and our hearts. If someone hurt your child would you immediately say, “Oh, it’s okay. We forgive you.” I don’t know many mama bears who would let it go that easily because they love and value their child. I believe that before you forgive, you must hold the hurt and feel the weight of the offense. Then you know what you are releasing. I am going to say that statement again. It is so important. Before you forgive, you must hold the hurt and feel the weight of the offense. Then you know what you are releasing.
Excerpt from Rebekah Royal’s book, There is a Reason. Rebekah is with Royal Life Ministries in Newman, Georgia where she counsels those who need hope and healing from their pain. Rebekah can be reached at http://www.royallifeministries.org